New Year’s resolutions -secrets to success

December 31, 2011 · by · in Uncategorized

13 The Ever Constant Sea

“A child’s success in his or her 30s in measures of health, wealth and more can be predicted by how well they can control their impulses as early as age three, says a new study, published today in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.”

Self-control was assessed by several measures including lack of control, impulsive aggression, hyperactivity, lack of persistence, inattention and impulsivity.

http://news.discovery.com/human/children-self-control-success-110124.html

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.   Eleanor Roosevelt

What thing is that? What thing do you feel sure you must do in the coming year? Lots of us are beset with new resolutions, struggling with old solutions that didn’t work or waffling on what we want to accomplish. How will we ensure success? Do we have the will?

What is the greatest predictor of our success? Our past experiences? Our confidence level?  The dififculty of the task at hand? Our support system? Our desire?

Does it depend on the importance of the New Year’s resolution or what we wish for?

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.   Mark Twain

Does it matter if it is something we are starting or something we are stopping? Is it easier to give up an addiction than to start a degree program? Is it easier to start a renovation project than to give up sugar? Is it easier for an overweight person to see themselves as thin or a smoker to see themselves without their nicotine?

Some people think it all comes down to willpower, defined as “energetic determination”.

Willpower is not what you think it is. And it might be helpful to use an old fashioned term- self control. Self control is the ability to guide your actions in pursuit of a goal- to perservere and stay on course, despite temptations, distractions, and the demands of competing goals. In the light of recent research, psychologists have learned that self control is very much like a muscle– think bi-cep. Example: if you’ve just finished working out, your muscles will be tired and you’ve sapped some strength until you have rested. If you’ve exercised a great deal of self control to finish something, you’ve reduced your strength. Everyday decisions can sap your self regulatory control. People who are very successful in one or more areas of their life are successful precisely because that’s where they devote the bulk of their capacity for self control. When you deal with a lot of stress all day, no matter who you are, you may find yourself depleted and vulnerable to goal failure (Halvorson Heidi & Jonathan, 2011).

Has anyone ever heard, “If you don’t know what to do, then it’s best not to do anything”?    A friend of mine embraced that philosophy and plan to the point that nothing changed in his life for 25 years. He looked like he stepped out of Rip Van Winkle- wore the same clothes, lived the same “complicated” life and was generally unhappy with the circumstances he had obviously chosen to accept, rather than make a decision to enact a change.At first, I liked the sound of it, since it takes no effort and feels like you are being very wise. Later, after watching it in action, I thought…hmm, you’ve taken that approach too far!! Some people would describe this as “giving up” or sleepwalking through life.

There is the real risk of developing “apathy”, defined as lack of feeling or emotion, lack of interest or concern – “indifference”. That’s not what we want, or not what I want. I released a person for being “careless and indifferent ” towards me ( defined by Merriam Webster as “of no importance or value one way or the other, marked by no special liking for or dislike of something, marked by a lack of interest, being neither good nor bad, neither right nor wrong, neutral). Why would we accept this from ourselves? How can someone be moved from this ” indifferent” state?

On the other hand, have you ever heard ” It’s better to do something, than nothing”.
In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. Theodore Roosevelt

Motivation is what prompts action. What moves you? That is your motivation. There are two kinds of good that motivate us. Promotion motivation – focusing on what we wish to happen and prevention motivation- focusing on what we do not wish to happen.

Some people tend to see their goals as opportunities for gain or advancement.  In other words, they are focused on all the great things that will happen for them when they succeed – the benefits and rewards. Research shows that promotion-minded people are more energized by optimism and praise, more likely to embrace risk, seize opportunities, and excel at creativity and innovation.”
Others tend to see their goals as opportunities to avoid loss and to stay safe. They don’t want to lose what they have worked hard to achieve, and they worry about all the terrible things that might happen if they make a mistake. Research shows prevention-minded people are more driven by criticism and the looming possibility of failure than they are by applause and a sunny outlook. Prevention-focused people are more risk-averse, but their work is also more thorough, accurate, and carefully planned.
Halvorson, H. & Halvorson, J. The Science of Success ( 2011). http://www.heidigranthalvorson.com/

I am inclined to be a promotion-minded person. I embrace quotes like “Energy flows where attention goes”. Even though this is often quoted for meditation and positive thinking, it is actually Makia, the 3rd of the seven sacred principles of Hawaiian Shamanism.

With so many of us multitasking and so much information flowing with emails, text messages & smartphones, it is difficult to stay focused. Distractions are all around. Focus provides the energy needed to succeed. Where is your attention?

Focus ( pay attention) on the important things such as your family, your financial stability, your health, or whatever is important to you, and you will find the energy of your entire being will also focus on the task, so that you can succeed.

And, learn the 5th principle, Aloha- to love is to be happy with. Aloha is the Hawaiian word for love. Love produces only happiness. Fear, doubt, anger and resentment produce unhappiness and lead to criticism. Criticism is the destroyer of love while praise builds love and happiness. Self-criticism affects your whole body. If you can change from thinking and acting with distrust, anger, fear, and doubt about yourself, your job, your spouse, and the world in general, to acceptance of others, and love for yourself and those around you, your entire perceived world will change. Happiness will replace sadness; confidence will replace doubt; and joy will replace anger. Steve Ibach  www.examiner.com  referencing The Urban Shaman by Serge Kahili King

Have you ever wondered how some people got where they were going, when the likelihood for success seemed so small and they overcame all the odds? They seemed to succeed inspite of themselves and their limititations. It looked effortless to those watching.

Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.  Calvin Coolidge

No matter the ability – whether it’s intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism – studies show them to be profoundly malleable.  When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot. Reconsider your belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge. Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t (Halvorson, Heidi & Jonathan, 2011).

Find your muse. Find your desire. Find your passion. Find your purpose. Nourish your inner resolve, practice self control, take action, see the beginning from the end, embrace your vision for your life and see it through!

Maybe you need a visible reminder? Some people post pictures of their dream boat or their new body. Some people visualize and imagine. If you find yourself somewhere in between, choose a favorite animal like I did or surround yourself with music or things that inspire you!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6H75gcAlXg&feature=related

The blue heron is a totem (symbol) of someone who has chosen to claim their life as their own.  According to North American Native tradition, the Blue Heron brings messages of self-determination and self-reliance. It represents an ability to progress and evolve. The long thin legs of the heron reflect that even though we must be able to stand on our own, we don’t  need legs that are great massive pillars to remain stable. Blue Herons have the innate wisdom of being able to maneuver through life and co-create their own circumstances.If the Blue Heron has shown up as your totem, it reflects your need to follow your own unique wisdom and path of self-determination. You know what is best for yourself, and need to follow your heart rather than the promptings of others. You probably sit calmly while the rest of us lose patience. And when you choose to follow the promptings of your heart, you soar with magnificence.

Andrews, Ted (2003). Animal Speak: The Spiritual and Magical Powers of Creatures Great and Small. St.Paul, MN: Llewellyn Worldwide.

www.cherokeefullcircle.com

Moskowitz, G. & Grant, H. (2009). The Psychology of Goals,  New York, NY:The Guilford Press

www.pinkmethod.com as seen on The Drs

“Every Footstep IS the Journey”    Michael Tlanusta Garrett

Happy New Year!!! Hope your 2012 is the “Best Ever”.