prickly

Have you seen one of these “up close”? It’s a hedgehog. Yep, a cross between a porcupine and a mouse. When you disturb this happy camper, she makes a sound like air coming out of a tire and sticks every quill she has at a 90 degree angle. She is a prickly little thing!

A friend and I were dining. The conversation was steady and fairly uneventful until I said something controversial. Well, imagine that!! It’s my nature to make colorful statements that seem right at the time. If I am wrong, I accept counsel and correct. If I am right, I expect the same from the other party. It’s a flash back to debate from high school. Just good natured fun!

Not last night. This friend became heated and upset, went into a disparaging rant about me using platitudes. They advised me that I would not be able to do that and they thought I was better and yada yada, etc. Its interesting, that even when I cross the line, it’s never personal. If I made remarks, they were global points of view that I ascribed to. As I said, I can change my mind and position, with the right mixture of reason and concern. This lambasting of me as a person, who should know better and do better and be better. Good grief. It was about “taxes” for goodness sake. Then, I get shut down with “I’m sick of this”. Sick of what? I think this person is “prickly” in the 10th degree.

What did I think? I thought- well, it’s my experience that there are some people in self employment who never pay any taxes. This was an insult, I suppose, because my friend must have claimed to be self employed, before or after retiring from a professional career at a large institution. I apologized if I offended, but that was not enough. It was the reaction of extreme agitation and anger over a simple statement that caught my attention. That kind of thing frightens me.

I was counseled not to say things like that in public- mind you I was not swearing, I just said, “…never end up paying any taxes”. Then, I was swiftly advised that of course they did, they were in a business that required sales tax. Really? The consumer pays the sales tax. The self employed business owner passes it forward to the state and pays none of it.

So, where was the logic. I can only imagine what might happen if we actually got onto an inflammatory topic- like politics! We are certainly colored by our experiences and have our personal opinions. I was advised, “don’t say that kind of thing in public”. Well, I didn’t think I was “in public” at dinner with one person.:)

What do I think? prickly people react to multiple stimuli with the same hypersensitivity as a hedgehog….hiss….quills out! The challenge for prickly people is that they often don’t have great histories when it comes to attaching to others. They’ve learned to protect themselves in ways that can get in the way.

I definitely see that. It is hard to get close to someone with such an unpredictable reaction. I understand that some people are sensitive, but this is unhealthy. A lot of reaction to a simple opinion. Everyone has them It’s part of tolerance and allowing people to make mistakes. I can see that I make rash global statements in my inner circle and it might be considered unwise. That’s why I feel safe with this group. They can gently offer a different perspective and tone me down. I can’t be handled roughly with harsh words for something that had no malice or ill will on my part. Can I? I think not.

On the brighter side, I can educate myself on how to respond.This series was a real help to my understanding. I hope it can inspire you, as well. Annie Zirkel has done a fine job of outlining this issue in a four part series on “Being Prickly“.

It’s a gift to take the time to support someone in getting past their prickliness.