overreactions

Have you ever had a “misunderstanding”? Did it start small and balloon?

Do they always start with a miscommunication? Or do they start with a misinterpretation? Or do they start with a misalignment of ideals and deteriorate from there? What happens when you are bothered about something someone said or did and just decide to express yourself and then ask them not to do it anymore. It’s not an indictment or a personal affront to point out a specific behavior you don’t appreciate and then politely ask to have your wishes respected in the future.

How can a simple question, like “will you not do this particular thing again” become an unscreened episode of General Hospital? The drama ranges from shock that you would “think so poorly of them” to ” I am sitting here with a broken heart”. A broken heart? Is that a little extreme for a “don’t open my mail” or “don’t check my bank account” or  don’t do anything to invade my privacy. If you want to know something, ask me. Don’t look at my information behind my back and then talk with others about what you have found. Is that so difficult a concept to embrace silently with a brief nod and agreement. Enough said? Why would there be a “I didn’t do it, or I did it, but you asked me to or I did it but you should have wanted me to, I had the best of intentions, I care about  you, blah blah blah….” Excuses or acceptance? Acceptance sounds like, “Ok, I hear you, I understand, I will do as you ask. No problem, glad you told me. “

Anything else on your mind? No, then let’s do something we like, think about something more pressing or engage at a deeper level now. Let’s trust that each person knows what they need and want. Let’s trust each other to care about what matters and know deep inside that each of us matters more than a particular behavior. Removing those specific identified behaviors ( please don’t do ___ that again)  demonstrates how we matter to each other. Isn’t that what family or close relationships are based on? Caring about what another person cares about because we care about them.

If we had a personalized brain map to show us the best way to enact behavior changes in others, would we be able to follow it? It’s like a lightning display. One thing lights up this corner and then the other person’s reactions ricochet across the sky into a bright flash you couldn’t have expected. There is thunder and crashing. The storm comes up fast and strong. Who could see a simple request becoming a hailstorm of hurt feelings?

Then, the stories start. You said, he said, she said, they said,…wait, who said? Who said that? When? Are you sure? I don’t remember that. You become the liar when you can’t remember the story that was fabricated to protect some feelings that are not part of this particular situation. The worst thing to do is take it to the phone or ask what someone else thinks? How could they think anything that you hadn’t already thought? Becoming entrenched in ‘your story’ is dangerous.

So, if you get caught off guard by some overreactions and puzzle over what in the world is really going on here…just stop. Just stand still and let the rain wash it all away. The quiet rain always brings a freshness to the air. How? Don’t get caught in the hype of “the storm of the century”, batten down the hatches, secure your belongings, run for cover, get more milk and bread, protect yourself because nature is a fury to behold. Forget that programming and be like a part of nature. Nature is replenished by the storms. Just stay. Just stay put. Just stay still. Just stay quiet. Just stay focused. Just stay real. Just stay with good intentions.

Nothing good or bad, lasts forever. No storm lasts. They come and they go.

If you see past the current “Hurricane of the Season” or “Soap Opera of the Day”, you can feel the fresh air and see the clear skies coming. Isn’t everything different after the storm passes? Let it.:) After a few of these are weathered, you will be stronger and less anxious about the aftermath.  Or you will be rebuilding, like Hurricane Sandy’s victims. Either way, you don’t have much choice. No one can predict what happens when we venture into unknown territory with another person. Good luck!!

Go ahead….open up….see what’s in there. Let the surprise factor be an inducement! Everyone in your life is a gift. Overlook a few overreactions or bad tastes. Like cracker jacks, see the prize inside or chocolates, you never know what you will get!!!:) Remember, these are decisions and your choices are yours alone.