plenty of time

My fortune cookie said, ” don’t rush through your life- you have plenty of time”. I have always liked to drive fast. Speeding has been a lifetime habit. After a few tickets and 8 hrs of driving school, the sense of dread takes most of the fun out of it

Why am I always in a hurry? I hurry up and wait. I hurry from one thing to another. I have hurried so much over the last two years, that I feel like it was an “out of body experience”. It was like watching someone else. It’s the opposite of being present in the moment. I wasn’t present for days, weeks, months and maybe years! It’s a wonder I didn’t have an accident.

What are we rushing to? Whatever it is, causes us to miss what we are experiencing right now. Right here. It is easy to live in the past- with all the “what if’s” or in the future- with all the “what could be’s”. It is hard to live right here – with “what is”. What it is, is what we have. This is all you can be sure of. Today. Now. Right here. This place, this time, this person, this breath, this moment, this life is all that we can count on. It is the reality we face in the here and now.

I have so much potential and lots of things to finish and imaginary wish lists and written bucket lists and wanna wanna wanna lists. But, there are days that I don’t have any oomphla. If you ever heard this expression, it sums it up. “Dead flies wouldn’t fall off of her”. It is inertia on steroids. Do we all need those moments of still and quiet to rejuvenate, energize and launch ourselves into the next effort, event, experience? Right now, I am torn between wanting to do everything and then again, wishing I had nothing to do, all at once. My mind says yes, while my body says no. My heart questions which one is right. Maybe,we should just draw straws to see which way the wind will blow. I am afraid I will miss out on something. I want to attend all the Oyster Roasts, Art Shows, Dragon Boat Races, etc, etc. I want to be in two places at once. I like to overbook, until the date comes!

I have opportunities and I take them with an open hand. They slide through my fingers or off my palm and I carelessly watch them fall to the ground. I have two minds. I want more and then, I want less. I don’t know why. Does it really matter? Would “why” make it go away or be different? Not hardly. Understanding everything, changes nothing.

I am disenchanted. My rose colored glasses are cracked. My magical spell is broken. I have been on a rush rush rush- rush my life away- journey that ended suddenly without warning. I don’t have anywhere else to go. There is no reason to hurry. There is plenty of time. Plenty of time to do absolutely nothing if I like and plenty of time to make a major impact. It’s up to me. I don’t have to do either. I can find somewhere in the middle and drift along.

I have been living like that song…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSDQVpOjFOw

Drivin my Life Away. Can you hear those lyrics. Ooohh, I ‘m driving my life away, looking for a better way for me. Ooohh, I’m driving my life away, looking for a sunny day. That sums it up. Maybe, I can stop driving as much and focus on life’s sunnier spots.